ZURICH, Switzerland. European diplomats worked through the night in an effort to prevent an accidental incursion by Swiss troops into neighboring Liechtenstein from touching off a regional conflict that could have international repercussions.
Swiss Army knife: May hold balance of power
“If Switzerland is no longer neutral, you’ll see a lot of people who will stop ordering a ‘Ham and Swiss’,” predicted Ellen Mayerson, author of “Comfort Foods Around the World”. “If they ask for ‘Ham and American Cheese’, you will see a fundamental realignment of lunch habits along geopolitical lines.”
Swiss soldier: “I will die for the right to remain neutral!”
According to the Zurich newspaper Blick, 170 Swiss infantrymen wandered more than a mile across an unmarked border into Liechtenstein before realizing their mistake and turning back. “When we got there the signs said ‘Legal Occupancy: 150′,” said Hans Zwingli, a corporal, ”so we knew we were in trouble.”
Liechtensteinian postage stamp, which extends into Switzerland.
Liechtenstein is a postage stamp-size country in central Europe whose principal export is postage stamps. It was named after Roy Liechtenstein, an American pop artist who died in 1997. Liechtenstein is known for a comic book style of painting that he transmuted into large-scale images that were in many cases larger than the country itself.
Image by, not of, Liechtenstein
Liechtenstein has no army and only a small police force, while Switzerland has an army but nothing to do with it since it has a long tradition of military neutrality. “We’ve got these knives with every weapon but a nuclear warhead, and all we do is sit around trimming our nails with the scissors,” Zwingli, the infantryman, complained.
Boutros Boutros-Ghali: “Thanks–your name’s funny too!”
Former United Nations Secretary General Boutros Boutros-Ghali speculated that the Swiss incursion was probably the result of sheer boredom. “I’ve spent some time there, and it’s awful,” he said via email exchange. “On weekends people put on their Swiss watches, pack some Swiss cheese, and go check out their secret Swiss bank accounts.”
Copyright 2007, Con Chapman
