With New Research, Pig Latin Teachers Are Focus of Classical Revival

HOLLYWOOD, Florida.  Ewell Norton has been a Latin teacher at Hollywood North High School here for over twenty years, but he’s never had to turn students away from his classes–until now.

 

“Parents are finding out that just one or two years of Latin can boost a kid’s college board scores by twenty to fifty points,” he notes.  “In the long run, that can mean the difference between a mindless minimum wage job and a life spent picking food out of dumpsters.”

“I found some shrimp tempura!”

The academic studies Norton is referring to indicate that the rigor of learning Latin, which provides the roots for many common English words, pays off in greater verbal competency.  Still, many school districts are taking a wait-and-see attitude before incurring the expense of new faculty and textbooks to bring back a dead language.  “We need to get new home football uniforms this fall, and new “away” jerseys next year, so we’re not going to hire another Latin teacher for awhile,” says Principal Morris Byrum, Norton’s boss.

 

First things first.

In the meantime, Hollywood North and schools like it around the country are getting by with a stopgap measure; classes in “pig” Latin, which they hope will serve as a less costly introduction to the language of Virgil, Cicero and the package for Pall Mall cigarettes, whose motto “In hoc signo vinces” was for years the only Latin that most high school students were exposed to.

 

“In hoc signo vinces.”  Translation:  “The Surgeon General is a big weenie.”

“Pig Latin is a valuable stepping stone to classical culture that can be implemented without boring textbooks or expensive, highly-trained instructors,” says Jonathan Paltrow of the National Association of Assistant Principals.  “All you really need are some spiral notebooks and Three Stooges DVD’s.”

 

Before 1957, knowledge of Pig Latin was virtually universal, and casual conversations in high school hallways were often spiced with phrases such as “Ets-lay ow-bla is-thay op-pay and-stay”, or “Let’s blow this pop stand.”  Then came Sputnik, the Russian satellite that caused American educators to shift their focus to more required science courses such as Physics, Chemistry, and Refrigerator Repair Shop in an effort to close the “knowledge gap”.

 

“Today we’re going to make an ice-cube tray out of a bar of Ivory Soap.”

Classical faculty were shunted from the front lines of secondary education to its backwaters, often reduced to running underground Toga Parties in order to attract students.

  

“Veni, vidi, parti!”

With the competition for admission to college expected to peak with the high school class of 2008, the children of the “baby boom echo”, Pig Latin instructors now find themselves as sought-after as volleyball coaches or driver’s ed instructors.  Charles Sender, an aging “juvenile delinquent” from the ’50’s who is fluent in Pig Latin, suddenly finds himself in demand.  “Ookie-kay, ookie-kay, end-lay ee-may our-yay omb-cay,” he recites before a packed classroom of fifty students, then calls on a student in the back row.

 

Ed “Kookie” Burnes

“Uh,” the young boy begins cautiously.  “Kookie, Kookie, lend me your comb?” the boy says with hesitation.

“Excellent,” says Sender, before digressing to teach the class a little history.  “Now tell me who this phrase refers to, and the television show in which he starred.” A girl in the front row shoots her hand up.  “Yes, Melinda?”

“It’s about Ed ‘Kookie’ Burns and the show was ‘77 Sunset Strip’,” she says confidently.

“That is correct,” says Sender, before turning to this reporter with a proud smile.  “Whenever somebody tells me teenagers today don’t know anything, I tell them ‘Come spend a day with my kids–you’re in for the shock of your life.’”

Copyright 2007, Con Chapman