Limbaugh, Franken Added to Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade

NEW YORK. Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade will for the first time feature living personalities this year as Rush Limbaugh and Al Franken were added to list of colorful ballons that bring joy to children as they float through the streets of Manhattan in the traditional start to the holiday season.

“I love you, you love me.  Right or left we’re family!”

“Interest in politics is at an all-time high,” said Amy Kuehn, Macy’s Vice President of Marketing. “We thought it was time to harness the excitement of partisan bickering in support of the Macy’s brand.”

Franken:  Over-inflated?

Franken and Limbaugh will join favorites such as Garfield, Barney and Snoopy as they make their way from Central Park West to Broadway. The two have sparred over the years with Franken penning a best-selling book titled “Rush Limbaugh is a Big, Fat Slob” and Limbaugh responding with “So what? You’re an Undersized Twit!”, a twenty-page, peer-reviewed monograph that he wrote as his thesis for a master’s degree in culinary arts.

Limbaugh:  “I could squash that little twit like a bug!”

The two are the leading overweight figureheads of their respective political persuasions, with Limbaugh tipping the scales at approximately 300 pounds and Franken “not missing any meals,” according to FBI agent Floyd McDaniel, who has been “tailing” Franken since his first appearance on Saturday Night Live in the early 1970’s. “Someday he’s gonna slip up, and I’m gonna get him,” McDaniel said. “Not that I’m obsessed or anything.”

Leaner times

Balloons that are used in the 80-year-old parade are filled with gas and guided by volunteers who hold wires attached to the gigantic figures. Wind-whipped balloons have injured pedestrians in recent years, and company officials said they would take appropriate precautions to ensure that parade spectators are not injured in a political melee.

Pikachu:  A “swing” voter.

“Filling these two with gas won’t be hard,” Kuehn said. “It’s the noise they make when it escapes that’s the problem.”

Copyright 2007, Con Chapman