CHICAGO. Fighting persistent rumors on the Internet that he is a Muslim, Illinois Senator Barack Obama today released information on the United Church of Christ, the Protestant denomination of which he is a member.
“We want to set the record straight,” said fellow Illinois Senator Dick Durbin, co-chairman of Obama’s national campaign. “Barack is not a member of a religion that produces suicide bombers. He is a member of the ‘Party Church’–the UCC.”
Swinging teen dances!
Durbin handed out pamphlets listing the “Top 10 Reasons to Check Out the UCC”, which appears on the church’s website, http://www.ucc.org/. Reason 3, “Party” Church, states that “God is having a party and we are all invited,” while Reason 6 states that “God can blow the lid off any box, unfold it and turn it into a dance floor.” UCC congregations have a long tradition of sponsoring teen dances in church basements, and Obama has credited early exposure to The Twist and The Pony at such affairs as the source of his remarkable ability to mesmerize youthful admirers.
Heel-toe, heel-toe, step, step.
“Once you’ve stared down a thirteen year-old girl in a tight sweater at one of these affairs, you’re ready to stand toe-to-toe with America’s enemies abroad,” Durbin said, countering charges that Obama lacks foreign policy experience.
The UCC traces its lineage to the 16th century although its web site states that it was founded in 1957, a mathematical error that Republicans seized on as evidence of Obama’s lack of financial acumen. “So we’re off by 400 years,” Durbin responded. “That’s a rounding error for an institution like Congress, where you’re responsible for wasting billions of dollars every day.”
Church keys of various denominations.
The late 50’s origins of the church are viewed as the source of its obsession with the social skills of teenagers. “That was a critical period in the history of Christianity,” says Allen Gowell of the University of Chicago Divinity School. “Pop-top cans had not yet been developed, so there was a lot of joking about ‘church keys’ at basement sock-hops.”
Copyright 2008, Con Chapman
