LONDON. The $48 million divorce judgment handed down against Paul McCartney was intended to “send a message” according to the jurist who awarded the lucrative settlement to Heather Mills, the former Beatle’s one-legged estranged spouse.
“In order to pay that amount, it may be necessary for me to start another crappy band.”
“One hopes in the future that if a musician feels inclined to release an album as bad as ‘Band on the Run’, he’ll think twice about it,” said Justice Bennett, a fan of ’60’s “British Invasion” bands according to his official biography.
Mr. Justice Bennett: “I always preferred the Dave Clark Five.”
McCartney’s second marriage to Linda Eastman, heiress to the Eastman-Kodak fortune, resulted in the formation of “Wings”, a rock band built around the couple that performed and recorded from 1971 through 1981. The group drew scorn from John Lennon, McCartney’s former songwriting partner with the Beatles. “If you like bad music by husband-wife singing duos,” Lennon told reporters from Melody Maker, “Yoko and I can beat Wings any day of the week.”
“I love what you’ve done with your hair!”
The ruling sent shockwaves through London’s Inns of Court, the professional organizations of the British bar, as Mills, a “Dancing With the Stars” contestant in 2007, represented herself in the case. “If a one-legged dancer can get herself twenty-four million pounds without a lawyer,” said Quentin Quiller-Couch, Q.C., “there’ll be no incentive for two-legged spouses to use our services.”
Linda Eastman, third from left: One of the great rock tambourine players of all time.
McCartney was said to be mulling an appeal, a process by which a legal judgment is soaked in red wine and spices and served warm. “We will be asking a higher court to examine whether Mr. Justice Bennett was prejudiced against Paul, who as we all know was the ‘cute’ Beatle,” according to McCartney’s lawyer Paul Crossley-Bircham, Esq. “We have photographs of Bennett attending a Dave Clark Five concert in 1965, and doing The Frug.”
Copyright 2008, Con Chapman
