Biden in Position to Take Dems’ Nod as Hair-Plug Compromise

WASHINGTON, D.C.  As the race for the Democratic presidential nomination winds down in a bloody finish like the last rounds of an Ali-Frazier slugfest, Senator Joseph Biden is working quietly behind the scenes to position himself as a compromise candidate able to unite a deadlocked convention.

“I have a lot more hair plugs than any other candidate.”

“We’re here as an alternative for delegates who can’t make up their minds, or who have lost their minds,” says Biden senior advisor Wendell Hagerty.  “What with Clinton and Obama tearing each other’s hair out, isn’t it refreshing to have a candidate whose hair is held firmly in place by follicular micrografting?”

Sort of like a doll’s hair.

Biden dropped out of the race after failing to establish himself as a front-runner in the early primaries.  He has formed an exploratory committee to consider a run for the presidency of The Hair Club for Men, a non-governmental international body similar to the United Nations that sends wigs and hair transplants to war-torn areas of the globe.

Neil Kinnock

The 2008 campaign was Biden’s second attempt to win his party’s presidential nomination.  His first, in 1988, ended in embarassment when John Sasso, campaign manager for eventual nominee Michael Dukakis, released videotapes that caught Biden plagiarizing speeches by Neil Kinnock, a British politician who is largely bald.  “I don’t have a problem with Biden lifting phrases from me,” Kinnock said at the time, “as long as he doesn’t ask to borrow any of my hair.”

Copyright 2008, Con Chapman