Clinton Tells West Virginians Yale, Wellesley “Overrated”

WAYNE, West Virginia.  Notorious for her late-life adoption of the New York Yankees as her favorite team in the heat of her first campaign for the Senate, Hillary Clinton today downplayed her years at Wellesley College and Yale Law School, telling a cheering crowd of supporters “them high-falutin’ schools didn’t larn me nothin’ I didn’t already know.”

“I know your sister Velma Jean!”

“We had one professor there at Wellesley that had a nose ring,” Clinton said.  “Now, I was just a good ol’ country gal who had never seen a nose ring before–’ceptin on a bull!” she added, and the crowd roared with approval.

“I took the nose ring out for this picture.”

Wellesley College, located in the western suburbs of Massachusetts, is one of the “Seven Sister” schools that historically provided Ivy League males with acceptable marriage prospects, but which turned towards a more professionally-oriented curriculum during the 1960’s.  “I don’t know where they get some of them ideas up there,” Clinton said as she placed a pinch of snuff between her cheek and gum.  “I say a woman’s place is in the home, and the White House is my home, dammit!”

“Senator Obama has no eyewitness who ever saw me attend Wellesley.”

Clinton’s top-tier academic credentials have never been viewed as a handicap before, but in an effort to broaden her appeal to blue collar voters she downed a “boilermaker”–a shot and a beer–during the Pennsylvania primary race, and impressed Ohio voters with her skills in demolition derby, in which drivers ram each other in a dirt arena with the last junk car still moving the winner. 

 

“She crushed me!”

“The demolition derby drivers of America are hurting,” Clinton said as she emerged from her vehicle, the “Democratic Destroyer.”  “That may be because I just hit them broadside at forty miles an hour.”

Copyright 2008, Con Chapman