In Challenge to Group of 8, Supermodels Host Own Summit

TOYAKO, Japan.  Miffed by what they view as the undue attention being given to world political leaders at the so-called “Group of 8″ superpowers’ summit conference here, eight “supermodels” have convened a competing “World Summit of Beautiful Leaders” to consider issues of global importance.

Imagine–a world without supermodel conflict.

“There are many important but boring things to talk about in the world,” said Gisele Bundchen, representing Brazil.  “Wouldn’t you rather hear about them from our sensuous, pouty lips?” added Elle Macpherson of Australia.

Macpherson:  “Global warming is so–warm!”

Other “superpower” nations represented at the summit are the United States (Tyra Banks), the United Kingdom (Lisa Snowdon), Czechoslovakia (Paulina Porizkova), Canada (Linda Evangelista), Germany (Claudia Schiffer) and Sweden, whose Marcus Schenkenberg, like Andrea Merkel of Germany, is the lone representative of his sex among the group.

Schenkenberg:  “Why did I get the same goodie bag as the women?”

The supermodels issued a press release after a morning plenary session decrying the influence of unattractive politicians in the media.  “It is no wonder that people are alienated from politics when so many of our world leaders are simply too gross to look at on television,” the manifesto read.  “If they would pluck their eyebrows and maybe put some blusher on their cheekbones the world would be a better place, or at least a better-looking place.”

Buffet lunch

Hunger topped the agenda after lunch, which consisted of celery stalks, cigarettes and bottled water.  “Hunger could be eradicated in our lifetime if people would just learn to restrain themselves as we have,” the models declared. 

Kobe beef:  Low turnover-to-assist ratio

“We have today shared a single stalk of celery among us while world ‘leaders’ chowed down on disgusting Kobe beef,” said the US’s Tyra Banks.  “We cannot believe they were such barbarians as to eat the NBA’s 2008 Most Valuable Player, even if he did stink out the joint in the finals against the Celtics.”