Nov. 7: TODAY’s Meredith Vieira talks to former Treasury Secretary Lawrence Summers about serving on Barack Obama’s economic advisory board.
VIEIRA: Our next guest is Lawrence Summers, former President of Harvard University and Treasury Secretary in the Clinton Administration. Welcome . . .
SUMMERS: Thanks, Meredith. Happy to be on the show.
VIEIRA: President-elect Obama today tapped you to be part of his economic advisory board, and you’ve been mentioned as a possible candidate for Secretary of the Treasury in his administration. Pretty heady stuff, no?
SUMMERS: Well, actually it would be a demotion from my current position as Charles W. Eliot Professor at Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government–but I’ll take it.
Harvard Kennedy School of Government
VIEIRA: (Laughing) I’d heard you were a witty man.
SUMMERS: (Pause) I wasn’t kidding.
VIEIRA: Oh. Anyway, speaking of Harvard, you were the center of a controversy during your time as president there for your statement that the low representation of women in math and science positions could be due to men’s greater innate abilities.
SUMMERS: That’s right. And I plan to bring that same hard-nosed approach to President Obama’s economic advisory board.
VIEIRA: How so?
SUMMERS: Well, after a great deal of study and rigorous academic investigation, I’ve come to the conclusion that our current economic crisis stems from the fact that, basically, chicks can’t handle money.
VIEIRA: (Pause) I’d like to think you’re joking, but I was wrong before, so . . .
SUMMERS: Of course I’m not joking. Have you ever gone out to lunch with a bunch of women?
VIEIRA: Well, sure . . .
SUMMERS: When the bill comes, there’s all this haggling back and forth–”You had the Salad Nicoise, I had the bruschetta”. It’s unbearable if you’re sitting at the next table.
VIEIRA: But that doesn’t mean that . . .
SUMMERS: Oh yes it does, Susie Smart-aleck. Look at Nancy Pelosi and how she’s constantly asking for earmarks for things like plastic surgery and fish pedicures.
VIEIRA: Just the thought of having fish nibbling at my feet creeps me out.
SUMMERS: The other thing about women–they don’t know the difference between the number of checks you have left in your checkbook and the amount of money in your bank account.
VIEIRA: When you’re a bodacious anchor-babe like me, there’s always enough money in your checking account.
SUMMERS: Sure, but for your average working woman who gets an insufficient funds notice from her bank, the first question is always “How can I be overdrawn if I still have checks left?”
VIEIRA: I see you haven’t lost your appetite for controversy.
SUMMERS: No, but I prefer Chinese, or manicotti with ricotta cheese.
VIEIRA: If you become Treasury Secretary, what changes would you make in America’s financial system?
SUMMERS: First, I’d propose a law that would ban women from the position of Treasurer of the United States.
VIEIRA: That’s the person who signs the left side of dollar bills and so forth?
SUMMERS: Right–and the Secretary of the Treasury signs the right half.
VIEIRA: Your reason being . . .
SUMMERS: Why do girls always get to go first? Is it the same reason handicapped people always get the best parking spots, or something more fundamental–I don’t know.
VIEIRA: We’re just about out of time–is there anybody else you’d like to offend before we break for a commercial?
SUMMERS: Let me see–I’ve got a list here someplace.
VIEIRA: We’ll be right back after this word from Xanalaz, the drug recommended by 9 out of 10 Scrabble-playing doctors.
Copyright 2008, Con Chapman
