WASHINGTON, D.C. Eager to put a major distraction behind him, President Obama today pronounced yesterday’s “beer summit” with Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates and a Cambridge, Mass. policeman a “thoughtful” exchange except for the contributions of Vice President Joseph Biden, who crashed the event.
“All right–honey roasted peanuts!”
“America will never be able to have an honest and candid conversation about race until the Vice President shuts up about the freakin’ Philadelphia Phillies,” Obama said with ill-concealed annoyance to a White House pool reporter as he returned to the Oval Office.
“Did I ever tell you about the time I sat on Robin Roberts’ lap? I have? Well anyway . . .”
The so-called “beer summit” was called to smooth racial tensions in the wake of Gates’ arrest on suspicion of breaking into his own home by Police Sergeant James Crowley. Obama at first said police acted “stupidly” in arresting Gates, then retracted his statement when Biden began to sulk. “Joe takes the rights of the dim-witted very seriously,” said Oscar Weymouth, his biographer. “The Vice President finished 506th out of 688 students in his class at the University of Delaware, and he thought the President was referring to him.”
“Ha–got ya! It’s Chris Ford!”
Biden, a lifelong teatotaller, used his sobriety to advantage in a series of “bar bets” with the other three men, challenging them to name the first player to shoot a three-point basket in the NBA.
Gates: “I thought it was Dr. J, but I guess I’m wrong.”
Gates assumed that, given Biden’s long-time devotion to Philadelphia sports teams, the correct answer was Julius “Dr. J” Erving, but he was unaware that Boston Celtics’ guard Chris Ford, who holds the distinction, played his college basketball at Villanova in Philadelphia.
Chris Ford, guarding Calvin Murphy
“Mr. Smarty Pants,” Biden taunted Gates, before turning to Crowley and calling him a “poor excuse for a Celtics fan.” “Delaware teams kick Boston teams’ butts,” Biden said. “I just wonder why we don’t put the capital building in Philadelphia.”
VP Joe is almost as entertaining as Spiro Agnew. Why didn’t they hold a pentecostal prayer meeting together to heal? HEAR ME LORD! WE HAVE SINNED! IT WAS FUN!