Whenever life seems to be crashing down around me, with looming deadlines, missing cats and wayward teenagers on my doorstep saying “Your car just crashed into a tree,” I don’t turn to religion, meditation or drugs. No, help is just a few taps away on my computer thanks to the thoughtful folks at msn.com, who crank out pithy checklists to keep yourself sane such as The 10 Habits of Highly Organized People.
But what makes the msn.com lifestylists so sure their lives are any better than the quiet desperation endured by others? Who died and left them boss? Who ever said organization was a good thing?
“I know that cents-off coupon for a Wendy’s Frosty is down here somewhere!”
“Moderation in all things,” saith Publius Terentius Afer, Roman comic dramatist known as “Terence” to his friends, and who is msn.com lifestyle to argue with a guy who won four “Julie” awards for his laugh-riot sitcom “Caesar Salad!”
Terence: One funny, funny guy.
No, if you’re going to stay organized, it’s best that you cut the list in half, otherwise you’ll never get through it and you’ll run out of time to straighten up your sock drawer. Here are the five essential habits of highly organized people. Laminated wallet-size versions available for just $1.25, two for $4.
“Has anyone seen Kitsy lately? Because something smells.”
Habit #1: Basically, everything is “miscellaneous”. Think about it. Why bother to have a word such as “miscellaneous”–meaning “consisting of diverse things or members”–unless you’re going to use it. Diversity is good, right? So create a “miscellaneous” room in your house or apartment, and “MISC-Zones” throughout your living space. You’ll find filing and cleaning up is a breeze!
Home sweet over-decorated home
Habit #2: Separate emotions from possessions. Those swags and jabots your wife loves that are blocking your college dorm man-speakers? Who needs ‘em? They’re just collecting dust, which can cause emphysema, asthma, and Eritrea. To be on the safe side, don’t leave them out on the curb–take them to the municipal dump today!
Eritrea: Emphysema sold separately.
Habit #3: There is no habit #3. There used to be, but somebody put habit #4 down on top of it, and now nobody can find it.
Habit #4: Everything you own should be stackable. Plastic food containers, outdoor furniture cushions, family members, pets and relatives are all handier to use if they are stored neatly on top of each other. During tense and crowded holiday seasons, remember to use a firm and stable mother-in-law as your base!
“Into the closet–both of you!”
Habit #5: Ask for help. When household clutter reaches third-world bazaar proportions, reach out to friends and family to assist you!
Antler dance pantomime
Then set up the long-lost slide projector you uncover for a pantomime version of the antler dance–you won’t be sorry!