WASHINGTON, D.C. Representative John Boehner, who is likely to become Speaker if Republicans re-take the House this fall, ramped up his attacks on the President today, saying Obama is “the worst black president America has ever had.”
Left to right: Orange, white, black.
“We don’t need to wait for history,” Boehner said, retaliating for the President’s decision to make the Ohio Congressman an issue in mid-term elections. “Among America’s black presidents, Obama comes in dead last by any measure, including mid-range jumper and turnover-to-assist ratio.”
Scouting report: “High dribble makes POTUS #44 vulnerable to steals.”
Boehner is a former plastics executive who is a regular at Splash!, a Dayton, Ohio tanning salon. “He’s our best customer,” said Tammi McCaffrey, pointing to Boehner’s perfect attendance record on the salon’s “Sunny Days!” chart. The tanning industry has been hit hard by a tax imposed under Obama’s landmark healthcare legislation, and some feel the perpetually-orange Boehner is retaliating. “Thousands of bodacious young women with names like Krystal and Tiffani are out of work because of Obamacare,” Boehner told a raucous crowd of 47 bronze supporters at the site of the Tomb of the Unknown Tanner in Arlington, Virginia. “What are they supposed to do at a time when the economy is not producing any new perfume spritzer girl jobs?”
Tomb of the Unknown Tanner
Obama is America’s third black president. John Hanson, who served as third president under the Articles of Confederation, was the first. Bill Clinton was the second, but he was impeached after a largely-black audience heard him play saxophone on the Arsenio Hall Show.
