WASHINGTON, D.C. Time Magazine today named Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg its “Person of the Year,” touching off a tirade by rapper Kanye West that crashed the popular social media website.
Zuckerberg: “Maybe you could make him a co-winner or something.”
“We chose Mr. Zuckerberg because he made a shitpile of money in the midst of a world-wide recession,” said Time’s Richard Stengel. “In hindsight, we recognize that Mr. West’s protest at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards will someday take its place next to the Rev. Martin Luther King’s March on Washington in terms of historical significance.”
“Gimme that thang!”
Runners-up for the Time award included pundit Glenn Beck, novelist Jonathan Franzen and the Chicago Cubs, who failed for the 102nd year in a row to win the World Series. Foreign nominees included Hu Jintao, a pork dish with mushrooms and scallions.
Seismologists have developed models to predict West’s outbursts but were caught off guard by his outburst. ”After his 2009 explosion at the American Music Awards we concluded he was on an odd-year cycle,” said Norbert Pettifour of San Dorito State College. “We weren’t expecting another conniption fit until the 2011 Fiesta Bowl.”
“I gots more friends than him.”
Supporters of Zuckerberg’s candidacy said that his role in connecting people around the world and his recent donation to the Newark, New Jersey school system pushed his candidacy over the top. “Mr. Zuckerberg has shown that he can run a business that will eventually have more members than the human population because of pseudonyms and late-night access by house pets,” said Time’s Stengel. “Mr. West, on the other hands, has shown only that he knows how to run his mouth.”
