Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner blasted top U.S. financial regulators in an expletive-laced critique last Friday.
The Wall Street Journal
Geithner: “I’m going to scratch your stupid eyeballs out!”
TRANSCRIPT OF PROCEEDINGS, FEDERAL FINANCIAL REGULATORY REFORM TASK FORCE
July 27, 2012
SECRETARY GEITHNER: Is everybody here?
CHAIRMAN BERNANKE: We’re waiting for Acting Secretary of Commerce Blank.
GEITHNER: Is she bringing the donuts?
French cruller donut: Tres elegant.
FDIC CHAIRMAN GRUENBERG: She asked me to ask you why she has to do it all the time.
GEITHNER: She couldn’t ask me herself?
GRUENBERG: She’s shy–I think she’s got a crush on you.
GEITHNER: I thought she liked to do it. That way she gets first pick and can take the French Cruller donut.
Rebecca Blank
SECRETARY BLANK: Peek-a-boo! I was behind the flag the whole time!
GEITHNER: Oh, hi Rebecca.
BLANK: I sent you a Friend request on Facebook. Did you get it?
GEITHNER: Uh, I’m like really important now, so uh, all my Friend requests have to go through the Secret Service. Or something.
BLANK: Okay. I’ll check my “wall” later.
“Hey–that’s my soda!”
GEITHNER: Super. Okay, everybody, I called this meeting because I’m really steamed that we’re not making progress on the economy. I mean, it really frosts my butt.
BERNANKE: Whatta ya gonna do about it, Timmy boy?
GEITHNER: I’m the boss ’cause the President said so, so just shut up chrome dome.
BERNANKE: You’re not the boss of me. I’m the chairman of the Federal Reserve, you’re just a member.
GEITHNER: Says who?
BERNANKE: Says me.
GEITHNER: Who are you?
BERNANKE: I’m rubber, you’re glue. Everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you!
FDIC Chairman Gruenberg
GRUENBERG: I can whip you both with one hand tied behind my back.
BLANK: Can we have a meeting without fighting for once?
BERNANKE: That’s such a girl thing to say.
GEITHNER: Everybody be quiet! I’m gonna read a note from the President. “Tim”–he calls me “Tim.” “I am like totally p.o.’d that the economy still sucks. What up with that? POTUS.” Pretty cool, huh?
BERNANKE: You’re not so special. He sent me the same kind of note.
GEITHNER: The exact same kind?
BERNANKE: Well, no. He needed some money for the weekend, and since I control the money supply, he asked me.
GEITHNER: (pause) But I’m the Treasurer.
BLANK: Does anybody want to hear a report on the plans for the Federal Financial Regulatory Reform Task Force Summer Outing?
GEITHNER: Were you able to get the Wiggles?
BLANK: Yes, but there’s a $500 deposit.
GEITHNER: I don’t have that kind of money.
BERNANKE: (Laughter) Want me to print you some?
GEITHNER: Just shut up! You’re such a stunod!
GRUENBERG: What’s a stunod?
GEITHNER: It’s “donuts” spelled backwards. It’s what my mom makes me say instead of swears.
BERNANKE: You’re a stupid fishstick!
GEITHNER: If you don’t be quiet, I’m going to steal your Ayn Rand lunch box!
Barbie, Spiderman, Hello Kitty and Ayn Rand lunch boxes
BERNANKE: Ooo–you really scare me.
GRUENBERG: Shouldn’t we read the minutes of the last meeting?
BERNANKE: We did that last meeting.
BLANK: What’s the point–they’re always the same. No interagency coordination. Internecine fighting among competing departments–”You pick your nose and chew it!”
BERNANKE: Well, he does.
GEITHNER: Do not.
BERNANKE: Do too. Say, are you going to the movies later?
GEITHNER: No, why?
BERNANKE: Just wondering–I saw you picking your seat.
GEITHNER: That does it! This meeting is over. I’m telling The Wall Street Journal–you’re all a bunch of stupid doody-heads!
