CHARLOTTE, N.C. A loosely-aligned network of boys’ groups this morning issued a rebuttal to President Obama’s acceptance speech last night, saying it failed to address critical issues in elementary and secondary education.
“It’s the same old, same old,” Earl “Butch” Menefee said of the President’s formula of more high quality teachers as the key to improving standardized test scores. “He said nothing about learning how to flip the bird, or sticking chewing gum under the edge of a girl’s desk to throw her off her game on the day of a big test.”
The network of anti-education groups, dubbed the “Spitball Coalition” because of their shared affection for traditional modes of teacher abuse, said they will designate a representative to respond to the President’s message as soon as get back from skipping geography class and smoking in the boy’s room.
Past efforts at education reform have run aground on the rocks of male misbehavior, which is a conceit or extended metaphor worth five points on the mid-term exam if correctly identified. Obama has endeared himself to some of the nation’s schoolchildren by admitting that he was “a little bit of a goof-off” in his school days, but the “Spitballers” said the President wanted to impose a double standard.
“Sure, now that he’s the most powerful guy in the world he admits he was a goof off,” noted Melvin “Lunch Money” Lange. “How’s that gonna help me remember the principal exports of the Benelux countries?”