SANDUSKY, Ohio. Mel Sklar is a former machinist who’s been scraping by for the past two years in a series of low-paying jobs, and as of last week he had yet to make up his mind who would get his vote for President. “I don’t like either of ‘em,” he says as he watches a television in the Continental Trailways bus station here where he works as a janitor. “I don’t see much difference between ‘em except race, religion, political party, public policy views and haircare products.”
“Leave it on! Leave it on!”
But all that changed when news broke that mononymous pop singer Madonna told the audience at a Washington, D.C. concert Monday night that she would remove her bra and go topless in public if President Obama is re-elected. “That sealed the deal,” Sklar says as he tosses a garbage bag into a dumpster. “I don’t care what kind of kooky underwear Romney has, at least he keeps it on.”
At the concert Madonna took off her blouse and revealed a “tramp stamp”–a tattoo on her back just above her buttocks–of the President’s last name, then launched into a rambling exhortation telling fans to vote for Obama because he was a black Muslim. “I don’t care about a man’s religion,” Sklar said to general agreement among his co-workers, “but I won’t vote for somebody who’s got his name inked across some disco singer’s butt.”
The White House sought to distance itself from the singer’s remarks, saying there was no evidence that the President was a Muslim–not that there’s anything wrong with that–except for 1961 school records from Indonesia which list his religion as “Islam.” According to the National Archives those records are subject to what has come to be known as the “Bill Clinton” Presidential defense: they were incorrect, and anyway that was a long time ago.
Marie Osmond with vewwy special widdle doll.
The prospect of a topless Madonna has roiled the presidential race in so-called “swing” states, where preferences of unenrolled and independent bisexuals are hard to predict. “Let’s just say Republicans want to pull an October surprise,” said Wayne Hamney of Decision Analytics, a polling firm that tracks political support for has-been singers. “I think you could turn off just as many voters with a topless Marie Osmond.”