FOXBORO, Mass. Crushed by Sunday’s loss in the AFC Championship Game to the Denver Broncos, the New England Patriots today sent Gisele Bundchen to the Oakland Raiders for a supermodel to be named later in an effort to break a Super Bowl drought that has coincided with her relationship with Tom Brady, the team’s quarterback.
“Seriously, you’re going to love Oakland.”
“You can’t argue with the facts,” said Tony Valentino of profootballinsider.com, referring to an analysis in the Boston Herald tying the drop-off in the team’s fortunes to Bundchen. “Personally, I think they should have stuck with Bridget Moynahan and the West Coast offense,” Valentino said, referring to Brady’s Ist supermodel girlfriend, whom he dated while leading the team to victories in Super Bowl XXXVIII and XXXIX.
Bring Back Bridget! Moynahan suits up.
The term ”supermodel” refers to a highly-paid fashion model who has a worldwide reputation and a world-class attitude. The term “Super Bowl” refers to the championship of the National Football League of the United States. There are no supermodels in Oakland, whose football team has not won the Super Bowl since 1983.
Stein: “A little off the top, short back and sides.”
There is also, according to superwriter Gertrude Stein, no “there” there in Oakland, but Patriots’ officials said it was as close as they could get to Los Angeles, where most supermodels live but which has no NFL franchise. “Sure they coulda swung a deal with the Jets,” noted Valentino, ”but then you gotta face your former supermodel twice a year, maybe again in the playoffs, and she knows all your moves.”
“I pulled a groin muscle!”
The trade is subject to Bundchen passing a physical, which is expected to be take several days of hands-on examination.