Study Says Lysdexics Make Best COEs

NEW YORK.  A study released this week indicating that people who suffer from dyslexia are more likely to rise to the top in the corporate world has business leaders buzzing and headhunters scouring resumes for typos in order to identify candidates who may suffer from the learning disorder, which causes the mind to transpose letters.


“If we can rudece our costs, our prifots will go up.”

“This is a major breakthrough in terms of shareholder value,” said analyst Jane Seymour of J.T. Lipton Securities.  “We are putting a strong ‘buy’ recommendation on companies with senior executives who can’t spell.”


“First quertar sales were up dramatacilly!”

The study, by Yale University professor Sally Shaywitz, argues that dyslexia has beneficial aspects that cause individuals who suffer from the disability to succeed in business.  “If you have dyslexia, you have very little patience for boring ten-page, interoffice memos,” she notes.  “You tell someone else to read them for you, and you concentrate on firing the goof-offs who are holding the company back.”


“In order to succeed in business, it’s impartont not to get hung up on tirvia.”

Dyslexic CEOs agreed with the study’s conclusions.  “Absulotely,” said Robert Melker of Amalgamated Standard, a manufacturer of industrial doo-dads and thingamabobs.  “If I spend my time worrying about whether ‘i’ should come before ‘e’, I’m not working to the best of my ibalities.”

The study has raised concerns on business school campuses that Americans could be at a disadvantage when compared to Asian students who immigrate to the U.S.  “Every time we go out for Chinese food I notice there’s a lot of typos in the menus,” said Aaron Hempstead, who attends the Stern School of Business at New York University.  “There’s no way I’m going to be able to compete with someone who could write ‘Make mouth happy with plaesant wegetable sipruses!’”

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