A Thai Junta Party Girl’s Diary

In an effort to make citizens happy about the latest coup, Thailand’s military junta is using young women in risque camouflage outfits who host street parties with free food and music.

The Wall Street Journal

Thai

Dear Diary–

Sometimes I think I have the most wonderful job in the world!  Imagine–I am paid . . . to party!  And I didn’t have to buy a bunch of stuffy outfits for “work”–if you can call it that.  We get free uniforms that look just like those worn by dashing military junta soldiers.  With darts in the bodice and a much shorter hemline!

It is so much fun getting stupid crowds of my fellow countrypeople out of their gloomy “pro-democracy” mood swings and into the spirit of repression!  And it’s easy, too, when you have 6,000 troops and police lined up behind you just in case somebody doesn’t want to do the Chicken Dance.

G2G, somebody’s bleeding on me–yuk!

Thai2

Diary–

I see where pro-democracy forces have adopted the McDonald’s logo as a symbol of defiance, replacing “m” in democracy with gold arches.  That is so predictable–only tacky democracy people would try to throw a party with Chicken McNuggets.  If you want to “party in style,” come to swinging military junta parties with all-you-can-eat pad thai buffet!

Full disclosure: “All-you-can-eat” means “one-serving-per-family”–that’s all you can eat at our fun party!

thai3
“Ready for my glamour shot!”

DD–

I never noticed until this morning: “Chicken sa-tay” rhymes with “par-tay”–except for the “chicken” part, but I can work with that.  I am in charge of decorations and “theme” for “Democracy is for Dinks!” party we are throwing tonight.  Other girl want to have “Evening in Paris” or “Hawaiian Luau” theme but I tell her, what you think this is, 50’s American prom?  This is high-toned junta, we got to think of something special!

prom

Diary–

Putting together song list for big party tonight and can’t believe what dingbat Ornwipa Trirattanothip wants to play: “Wild in the Streets” by Garland Jeffreys, “Revolution” by The Beatles, “Street Fighting Man” by Rolling Stones–what’s her problem?

Think I’ll ask for a nice medley by The Carpenters, kicking off with “We’ve Only Just Begun.”  MUCH more upbeat for newest latest coolest military dictatorship!

Pro-democracy peeps don’t realize how bad freedom could be for sex tourism here.  I hope MY proposed slogan captures jearts of junta: “Thailand: You’ll come for the sex, you’ll leave with the disease!”  That’s a winner!

thai4

Diary–

Too many medias in Bangkok now, everybody walk around with camera and notebook.  What kind of dweeb comes to Junta Party to write stuff down?  Throw away pad and paper and dance with me, stranger!

Nosy reporter ask me if I like other Thai women who cut off unfaithful husband’s pee-pee and throw it under house to ducks.  I didn’t even know that was a thing, although it doesn’t seem unfair.

I mean, ducks have to eat SOMETHING don’t they?

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