Of all the varieties of world-class bore
my fav is the man whose SAT score
he casually drops into idle conversation
hoping you’ll be impressed by his sly revelation.
I work with a guy—now approaching senility—
who uses this measure of intellectual ability.
He achieved in his youth (which is none too recent)
a score on the test of one hundred per cent!
When he tells you of this most remarkable fact
he’s expecting by way of your response back
an homage recited with appropriate awe
at his vast erudition, with wide-opened jaw.
Instead, I treat it as quite inept bragging
and can’t help myself from starting in ragging:
“Really?” I ask, an ingenuous ruse,
“How many number 2 pencils did you use?”
The guy looks at me with offended pride
as if an internal flame in his honor has died.
Then I ask the question that makes the man wince:
“Why haven’t you accomplished anything since?”