These Are a Few of My Least Favorite Things

Portable crappers, and phat gangsta rappers,
Overdressed lawyers, who think that they’re dapper,
Blonde second wives who are festooned with bling–
These are a few of my least favorite things.

New SUVs that my teenage son crashes,
Posh window treatments with jabots and sashes,
Pant legs that stick ’cause they’ve got static cling–
These are a few of my least favorite things.

When a friend croaks, when my feet stink,
When I’m feeeeling sad . . .
I simply remember my least favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad.

Cool summer cocktails whose tonic is flattened,
Obnoxious parents with children they’ve fattened,
Hearing your cell phone when you let it ring–
These are a few of my least favorite things.

Visible butt-cracks and sandals with sweat socks,
Income and sales tax, celebrity de-tox,
Middle-aged men who still wear college rings–
These are a few of my least favorite things.

When the pierced tongue, and the nose ring
Become more than fads–
I simply remember my least favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad.

Non-urgent emails with little red flaggies,
Mice that my cat kills in clear plastic baggies,
Ersatz Gambinos who say “Ba-da-bing”–
These are a few of my least favorite things.

Travel by buses and overstuffed bedding,
In-laws who offer to sing at my wedding,
Being held hostage, all tied up with string–
These are a few of my least favorite things.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “These Are a Few of My Least Favorite Things

  1. Well, Captain, I’ve riffed on this one too:
    “A Few of My Favorite Things” from “The Sound of Neutrinos”*

    Raindrops on bosons and atoms unwritten
    Bright copper metals, an entangled mitten
    Brown paper theories tied up with M strings
    These are a view of our physical things.

    Lab coated cronies all using their noodles
    Corbels and martels and equations with doodles
    Wild guesses that fly with just time on their wings
    These are a few of our science-y things.

    Gels in glass test tubes with blue enzyme sashes
    Physicsflakes apps on iPhones and eyeglasses
    Silver whitepapers above questionings
    These are the glue of e-lab-orate things.

    When the push pulls, when the tool stings
    When we’re raving mad
    We simply remember some sacred things
    And then we go back to CAD*.

    Songwriters
    Oscar Hammerstein Lil Richard Rodgers for “The Sound of Music”

    *With apologies to Oscar Hammerstein, Richard Rogers…the von Trapp Family…particles, waves and physicists everywhere.

    1. You can apologize to subatomic particles, but they’re holding their little fingers in their ears going “I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s