FLORHAM PARK, New Jersey. Riding the wave of nationalist sentiment that crested with yesterday’s vote by Britain to leave the European Union, the New York Jets this morning announced their intention to leave the AFC East conference of the National Football League, where they have suffered at the hands of rivals for over half a century.
“It is time we reclaimed our destiny,” said club President Neil Glat. “The Patriots won’t have us to kick around anymore.”
The team was founded as the New York Titans in 1959, but they lost their name on the subway and had to get a new one. With a total record of 387 wins, 457 losses and 8 ties, the Jets have the worst record of any team in the conference, lagging behind even the lowly Buffalo Bills. “I would say they’ve been the doormat of the conference,” said Chip Entwhistle of profootballinsider.com, “but there are some doormats that would take offense to the comparison.”
The Jets will become members of the newly-formed New York Metro Conference and will play teams from New York University, CUNY, Fordham and SUNY-Stony Brook. “There’s a lot of diversity there,” Glat told reporters. “You’ve got a Jewish school, a Catholic school, a public school and one from Long Island.”