Christmas comes but once a year, goes the old saying. Bringing panic, also fear.
That’s not how you remember it? Maybe your local pro football team has already been eliminated and your alma mater finished its season with a press conference at which the head coach said he was leaving “to spend more time with his family.” Yeah right.
If you still have a team in contention, however, you face an awful dilemma: Continue to watch or attend games, or go shopping for a Christmas/Chanukkah/Kwanzaa/Pagan Tree Cult Holiday gift for your better half. Or your better third, if you drink a lot of beer.
You could take the path of Eddie Murphy as Axel Foley in “Beverly Hills Cop”–“Here’s fifty bucks, go buy yourself something nice, I haven’t got time.” Don’t try it–you’ll never pull it off.
As a service to its readers, Gerbil Sports Network offers convenient point and click shopping to help you navigate the busy BCS-NFL stretch drive-holiday shopping season. Here are some great gift ideas that will warm her heart and light a fire under the mistletoe!
Team logo pink camo hat: Die-hard male fans scoff at women who wear these, but they’re cute! They look like something Barbie and Midge would wear if they joined G.I. Joe’s battalion. $23.95.
Team Logo Scrunchy: What’s a scrunchy? Glad you asked! They’re those things women use to make a pony tail! One size fits all, not available in NFC West Conference teams. $8.95
Flying Monkey Slingshot: Okay, so it’s not a romantic dinner at the Ritz. It’s still a lot of fun, and at only $6.99, it’s a great way to save money for the expensive Valentine’s Day present you’re going to have to buy if you get her this for Christmas and you want to have sex at some point in 2017.
Ice Skating Tickets: Chicks dig ice skating–it must have something to do with the sequins and the tutus. You can learn to enjoy it too. If your veterinarian got confused and neutered you instead of the cat.
“Was that a double lutz or a triple salchow?”
Thankfully, most ice skating shows are held in NHL arenas, so who’s to say there won’t be a little mix-up the day you buy the tickets–and end up with front-row seats to see the Bruins and the Hurricanes!
Which will be a lot like the Ice Capades–with fights and mouthguards.
Available in Kindle format on amazon.com as part of the collection “This Just In–From Gerbil Sports Network.”