Your Winter Weather Questions Answered

Wow–what a winter so far!  Already several “nor’easters” have hit, causing massive losses of fluffy white poodles in snow banks, and a third is on its way!  Nor’easter, that is, not poodles.  Here are answers to your Winter Weather Questions from Gerbil Weather Network:

Q:  What is a “nor’easter” anyway?

A:  A nor’easter is a storm that comes from the northeast. Duh.

Q:  Why the funny spelling?

A:  The original nor’easter in 1650 blew a “t” and the “h” away.

Q:  What happened to them?

A:  They were used to form a primitive version of “Hooked on Phonics.”

Q:  The ke-mer-shel ej-e-ka-shun-el me-tir-e-al that im-pruvs reed-ing skilz thru fo-niks?

A:  On the nosey.

Q:  What did they do with it?

A:  They used it to torture people suspected of being witches.

Q:  I read recently that descendants of people accused of witchcraft would sometimes change the spelling of their last name, so that makes sense.  Are there any similar weather-related directional schemes like nor’east in the northeast I should be aware of?

A:  In the southwest, when a tornado hits you’re supposed to go to the southwest corner of your basement.

Q:  Why is that?

A:  Damned if I know.  I’m only here to answer winter weather questions.

Q:  Is there a common phrase about the weather that people in New England think is original with them?

A:  “If you don’t like the weather, stick around–it’ll change.”

Q:  But people say that everywhere.

A:  I know.  We think we’re the Hub of the Universe here.

Q:  Didn’t Oliver Wendell Holmes say that?

A:  Yes–also “Three generations of imbeciles is enough.”

Holmes:  “I’m thinking of an imbecile between one and three.”


Q:  Enough for what?

A:  Enough imbeciles, you imbecile.

Q:  What else did he say?

A:  “Don Gullett’s going to the Hall of Fame, but I’m going to the Eliot Lounge.”

Q:  I thought that was Bill “Spaceman” Lee.

A:  You may be right.  I’m always getting the two mixed up.

Q:  With all this snow, whatever happened to global warming?

A:  We built massive windmills that blew it away.

Q:  You haven’t done much to dispell the widely-held belief that New Englanders are cold and unhelpful.

A:  You’re welcome.

Available in Kindle format on as part of the collection “Take My Advice–I Wasn’t Using it Anyway.”


3 thoughts on “Your Winter Weather Questions Answered

  1. A: In the southwest, when a tornado hits you’re supposed to go to the southwest corner of your basement.

    We have something similar. Around here, you are told to go to the southeast corner of your basement because that is where the downstairs bathroom is.

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