FRAMINGHAM, Mass. It’s 8 a.m. on a Sunday morning, and Jim Glzorp readily admits he’d rather be in bed than standing outside in the cold handing out leaflets at a strip mall. “I’ve successfully avoided politics all my life,” he says, as his 9-year-old son Jim, Jr. hugs his leg. “When I read about all the crazies out there these days, I had to start getting involved–for my kid’s future.”
Glzorp is referring to a recent poll showing 4% of voters believe lizard people control American society through political power, a number that shocked him into action. “I really don’t know where we went wrong,” he says. “That number should be much higher.”
Glzorp is a shape-shifting mud-lizard, one of the two main reptilian political parties who vie with each other for invisible dominance of humans. “We take a more laissez-faire approach,” he says, after giving his son a $5 bill for a frozen yogurt cone. “The Annunaki Party wants to run your life down to how many times you floss, whether you wear boxers or briefs, and what kind of vacuum cleaner you use, upright or canister.”
“I’m glad we could reach a bi-partisan compromise that puts lizards’ interests above those of humans.”
In the past, lizards have been content to control the world on a top-down basis, infiltrating the United Nations, the Freemasons and senior management of Starbucks, but many are starting to question that approach after learning of the dismal 4% number. “We really haven’t gotten out into the communities where we live,” says Mike Axzliia, who lists himself as an “independent” lizard but who leans towards shape-shifting mud lizard positions on major policy issues, including his personal environmental “hot button,” the wide-spread use of insecticides by humans that keeps lizards’ food costs high. “We should be running for school board, town council, those humble offices that touch humans’ lives directly, so we can make a difference,” he says.
“We’ve been at this for several hours. Let’s take a break and go eat some bugs.”
But lizard leaders agree it will take a lot of effort on the part of volunteers in “retail” politics to bring about change, a fact that doesn’t seem to darken Jim Glzorp’s mood as he watches his son return followed by a human child, 8-year-old Jimmy Cagnetta, whom he met inside the mall.
“He followed me back!” Jim Jr. says to his dad with a big smile. “Can I keep him?”