Years Later, “Children of Zordon” Struggle to Overcome Cognitive, Speech Issues

PALATINE, Illinois.  Mike Adamrik is a loading dock clerk in this suburb of Chicago who says he has no ambition to rise any higher in life, and nothing in his educational history leads one to believe otherwise.  “Mike was never a great student, but he stayed out of trouble,” says his former high school principal Morton Byrum.  “I just wish he hadn’t fallen under the spell of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers when he was young.”


“Could you sign it ‘To Mike, the coolest guy EVER’?”

 

A look inside Adamrik’s locker at the Amalgamated Plastic-Tek warehouse bears out the truth of Byrum’s assessment; every inch is plastered with pictures of actress Amy Jo Johnson who played Kimberly Ann Hart, the Pink Power Ranger.  Johnson is now a 46-year old woman who has moved on with her life and has a career as an actress and singer-songwriter, even as Adamrik is stuck in a dead-end job, fixated on her image from a quarter-century ago.  “Mike always got the short end of the stick when we played Power Rangers,” says his childhood friend Chuck Weibel.  “You know how cruel kids can be, and we were as bad as any nefarious gang of fourth-graders that ever stuck chewing gum in a cat’s fur.”


Zordon, or Rush Limbaugh?

 

Adamrik has been diagnosed with Zordon‘s Syndrome, so-named after the Rush Limbaugh-lookalike character whose head appeared in a giant lava-lamp on the show to issue oracular pronouncements to the Power Rangers.  “Zordon was a mentor to the Power Rangers, but he wasn’t cool,” says pop sociologist Normand Shannon.  “The kids who were assigned that character were usually the fattest and most socially-inept children in the neighborhood, so it only made their sense of social estrangement worse.”


“Okay, everybody strike a cool pose–except Zordon!”

 

Longitudinal studies show that these “Children of Zordon” have largely grown up to be maladjusted adults, often with significant linguistic disabilities.  “The people who made Power Rangers were too cheap to record Zordon’s voice more than once, and as a result his mouth is out of sync with what he’s saying in almost every episode,” notes Shannon.  “The kid who was stuck being Zordon thus had to create a disconnect between his brain and his mouth which, while it can be useful in politics, advertising and the law, is a handicap in other occupations.”

Adamrik’s parents say they continue to support their 28-year-old son by paying for therapy to address his agoraphobia, bed-wetting and nervous tics, and hope he’ll eventually complete the bachelor’s degree he failed to earn when he dropped out of college his sophomore year.  For his part, Adamrik says he thinks he’s ready to again face the hectic pace of student life and the social pressures he couldn’t handle a decade ago.  “I think I can do it,” he says as he signs a bill of lading for a shipment of plastic pellets.  “I’d like to get a degree in pop culture of the 90’s.”

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