The Day After Christmas for a Teen Girl Lifeguard

Hi Amanda, I can’t meet you at the mall, I have to work today–ugh!  So I’m lifeguarding at the Town Pool.  I’m not SUPPOSED to be texting but I don’t care.  They don’t pay me enough to care LOL!

There’s only three people in the pool, all fat, gross and ugly adults trying to work off weight from all the food they’ve been stuffing in their pie holes since Thanksgiving. Promise me if I ever get obese like my mom you’ll just shoot me, okay?

“I’m going on my break–don’t anybody drown, okay!”

Got2Go.  To the candy machine, I’m out of Jolly Ranchers!


Back now.  This is so BORING I can’t stand it.  I promised my mom if she got me an iPhone 13 for Christmas I’d work over vacation, but I’m so sick of it already I could almost puke.  It’s not like in the summer when there’s cool boys around.  The swim team is done by 9 in the morning, in the afternoon it’s just “adult swim.”

What a bunch of blubber-bellies.  If these people washed up on the beach the Sierra Club could keep them alive with buckets of water, but I sure couldn’t lift them out of the water.  I don’t think we’re allowed to do a “burial at sea”–the corpse would probably get stuck in the filter system.

Oh well, at least it’s not crowded so I don’t have to look at like a whole “pod” of these whales.  There’s only two people swimming now.  I didn’t see anybody leave–maybe it was when I was on my break.

I can’t STAND that you guys are having so much fun without me–CULater!


“Do you think I should wear these lower?”

Can’t believe I still have like an hour to go–I have a LOT of exchanges to do, what with all the crap clothes my mom bought me.  She must have got lost in the mall and wandered into the American Girl store–does she want me to be virgin 4ever?

We had our little “heart-to-heart” talk about U-NO-WHAT becuz she caught me making out with Evan when he was home on college break at Thanksgiving.  She told me never to have sex with a boy before you were married, because then he’d expect it after you got married.  As if I didn’t know that!

My mom says I’m self-centered, but how would she know?  Obviously I’m the person in the best position to judge that!

Down to one person in the pool.  Don’t know what happened to the other two, but as soon as it’s empty I’m going to sneak out.





Looks like I have to stay until the end of my shift–they found three bodies in the deep end and now I have stay and help a cop write up an “incident report.”  Don’t know why I have to get involved, I don’t know how they got there!  Maybe the girl on the first shift left them.

I was watching pretty much all the time, and I passed the written part of my lifeguard test with flying colors–A++, so my weighted GPA is still 4.9873.

I mean it’s sad and all, but like my guidance counselor says, you can turn a tragedy into something positive.

I’m going to write a college essay about it!


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