Who Wants to Be a Brain Surgeon? on Hold as Miscues Mount

BEVERLY HILLS, California.  Fox Broadcasting Company today announced that it will temporarily suspend production of its reality show “Who Wants to Be a Brain Surgeon?” after a series of mishaps left several volunteers with cognitive difficulties.

Ramsay:  “First, sharpen your scalpels.”

            “In retrospect, we probably should have hired a real doctor instead of Gordon Ramsay,” the domineering chef who stars in Fox’s “Hell’s Kitchen”, said network spokesman Henry Block.  “But we had an option for eight episodes that was about to expire, and couldn’t see extending Hell’s Kitchen for another season.”

The lethal weapon.

            Among those who participated in the show as patients was Wilson Reed, a life insurance salesman who suffered blunt trauma to the head when he fell face-first into a filing cabinet after a heavy lunch of meatloaf and mashed potatoes.  “He’s showing signs of dyslexia,” said his wife Ivy.  “I’ll be koay,” Reed said.  “Some wrods just cmeo out greblad.”

“I can show you something in red and green, or green and red.”

            Pamela Langley, a free-lance interior decorator who sustained a concussion when a curtain rod fell on her head, agreed to participate in the show because she has no health insurance.  “Every day is Christmas for Pam since Ramsay got his hands on her,” Matt, her husband, says.  “All she sees is red and green.  No mauve, no fuchsia, no burnt sienna.”

Medulla oblongata vs. panna cotta:  There’s a big difference.

            Ramsay sought to absolve himself from charges of incompetence, blaming the amateur “med students” provided by the show’s producers.  “The kids they give me can’t tell the difference between a White Chocolate and Coconut panna cotta Mango Puree and the medulla oblongata,” Ramsay said, referring to the lowest part of the brain and a dessert that challenged contestants on “Hell’s Kitchen”.  “I mean, seriously.  Either get me somebody who can cook or somebody with some brains or somebody who can cook brains-I don’t care which.”