Your Winter Weather Questions Answered

Wow–what a winter so far!  Already several “nor’easters” have hit, causing massive losses of fluffy white poodles in snow banks, and a third is on its way!  Nor’easter, that is, not poodles.  Here are answers to your Winter Weather Questions from Gerbil Weather Network:

Q:  What is a “nor’easter” anyway?

A:  A nor’easter is a storm that comes from the northeast. Duh.

Q:  Why the funny spelling?

A:  The original nor’easter in 1650 blew a “t” and the “h” away.

Q:  What happened to them?

A:  They were used to form a primitive version of “Hooked on Phonics.”

Q:  The ke-mer-shel ej-e-ka-shun-el me-tir-e-al that im-pruvs reed-ing skilz thru fo-niks?

A:  On the nosey.

Q:  What did they do with it?

A:  They used it to torture people suspected of being witches.

Q:  I read recently that descendants of people accused of witchcraft would sometimes change the spelling of their last name, so that makes sense.  Are there any similar weather-related directional schemes like nor’east in the northeast I should be aware of?

A:  In the southwest, when a tornado hits you’re supposed to go to the southwest corner of your basement.

Q:  Why is that?

A:  Damned if I know.  I’m only here to answer winter weather questions.

Q:  Is there a common phrase about the weather that people in New England think is original with them?

A:  “If you don’t like the weather, stick around–it’ll change.”

Q:  But people say that everywhere.

A:  I know.  We think we’re the Hub of the Universe here.

Q:  Didn’t Oliver Wendell Holmes say that?

A:  Yes–also “Three generations of imbeciles is enough.”

Holmes:  “I’m thinking of an imbecile between one and three.”


Q:  Enough for what?

A:  Enough imbeciles, you imbecile.

Q:  What else did he say?

A:  “Don Gullett’s going to the Hall of Fame, but I’m going to the Eliot Lounge.”

Q:  I thought that was Bill “Spaceman” Lee.

A:  You may be right.  I’m always getting the two mixed up.

Q:  With all this snow, whatever happened to global warming?

A:  We built massive windmills that blew it away.

Q:  You haven’t done much to dispell the widely-held belief that New Englanders are cold and unhelpful.

A:  You’re welcome.

Available in Kindle format on as part of the collection “Take My Advice–I Wasn’t Using it Anyway.”