BOSTON. Tonight is the annual fund-raising gala of the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra, and this year’s event will be unique for two reasons; first, it is the sesquicentennial of the group, which has been in continuous existence since 1860, and second, for the first time in its history the board of trustees expects to raise less than it did the year before.
“Can our table have another roll?”
“Even though the market’s up, many people we depend on are still hurting,” says Endicott Walrath, chairman of the board. “They say old-line Yankees throw nickels around like they’re manhole covers, but this year they’re complaining of back pain when we ask for a penny.”
“We brought our own celery sticks!”
So the BPO is going down-market, seeking to attract more small-dollar donors to bridge the gap left by the six-figure check writers of past years. “We’ve had to create a few new categories of support,” says Walrath. “So far we haven’t had to dip down to the level of the valet parking and washroom attendants, but we’re not out of the woods yet.”
“Go ahead–drop a nickel in the slot!”
In the past the BPO listed six levels of donors in the programs that are handed out to the audience before each performance, and which are scrutinized as a “Who’s Who” of Boston society. “We have Benefactors, Patrons, Sponsors, Sustaining Members, Associates, and Friends,” notes Walrath. “Since the bottom rung of the ladder starts at $500, many domestics and tradesman have been unable to enjoy the beauty of our orchestra’s music until now.”
“Get your hand off my butt!”
Beneath the “Friend” level there will now be a “Friend of a Friend” classification, available for $250, which includes two tickets to a rehearsal, a colorful t-shirt emblazoned with the orchestra’s logo and the legend “My Friend Went to the Symphony and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt!”, and a temporary BPO tattoo. “Our marketing department says this should be a hit with Massachusetts motorcycle mavens,” notes Walrath.
“I love a man with thick, luscious nose hairs!”
Beneath the Friend of a Friend strata will be the “Acquaintance” designation, which for $125 entitles donors to use an Express Urinal line during intermissions, a BPO-print “doo-rag”, and first dibs on wads of chewing gum stuck to the underside of seat arms by more affluent audience members.
BPO “Doo Rag”: “Letitia! Wut up wif yo bad self?”
And the lowest level of the new support designations?
“Do I know you?” Walrath asks, one eyebrow arched upwards in disdain.
Confused, this reporter re-introduces himself to the silver-haired WASP scion.
“No, that’s what we call it,” he replies. “For $50 ‘Do I Know You?’ donors are entitled to finish drinks left at the Lodge-Cabot Room bar when the lights begin to flash to signal the end of intermission.”
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